Friday, 6 July 2018

#MeToo

I have been wanting to write about this for so long but its really hard to find the words to say when they have never left my mouth before.



This topic is increasingly in the news after more and more devastating events occur regarding violence  towards women.

To give you a bit of my background of my experience:

As a young girl, I was regularly sexually abused by a boy (a neighbour) not much older than I was (maybe 7?). At the time, I had no idea what was happening but those memories have never left my mind and of course, now I know.

When I was 17, I went to my first house party and I was drugged and a guy had sex with me in his car. I don't want to call it rape because I don't remember protesting but maybe the drugs made me not able to because I don't remember talking or moving the whole time (the parts I can remember).

When I was 20, I was walking home from my local after a few drinks with some friends. I literally lived 40m away so I didn't even think twice about walking home by myself. But.. as I walked past some bushes, a man came out and grabbed me. I screamed and pushed him away and ran as fast as I could home. I closed the door, locked it, made sure all my windows and other doors were locked and I hid in my bedroom in a state of complete shock. I actually never told anyone about that. I don't know why.

I have also been taken advantage of whilst intoxicated on more than one occasion but I  felt like that was my fault for being intoxicated after waking up and realising what had happened.

Before I go in to my thoughts on how we battle the treatment of women. I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not a woman who will blame all men for this problem.

These things happen to men too. Men get raped, men experience domestic violence and men are also treated in the horrible ways women are too. IT IS NOT A COMPETITION AS TO WHO GETS TREATED THE WORST. We should all be in this together.

I have a male relative extremely close to me who experienced SEVERE and unexplainably horrible domestic violence (physical, emotional and mental) from a partner he lived with for almost a year. I also now know that the boy who abused me was being abused by his own father... I won't go in to details but my point is, these things happen to every one, not just women and there needs to be a wider way of fixing it rather than targeting #AllMen....

IT IS NOT ALL MEN. AND IT IS CERTAINLY NOT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ALL MEN TO ENSURE OTHER MEN DON'T ASSAULT, RAPE AND MURDER WOMEN.

IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF EVERY ONE.

Remember... women raise these men...My responsibility as a mother to a future man, is to ensure he knows how to respect EVERYONE, that he knows to help ANYONE who is intoxicated instead of taking advantage of them, that he knows that EVERYONE is deserving of respect and that he knows it is unacceptable to hurt ANYONE.

I know so many men (my father, my brothers and Achilles' Dad to name a few) that would NEVER even think to do anything like that to anyone and I am sure if they were to witness any of the acts carried out on me or any other woman for that matter, they would be the first to defend that woman.

However, it's not on them. Targeting ALL MEN for this is so unfair. I know so many beautiful men and it actually hurts me that they would be made to feel at fault for something so horrible. That they are put in to the same category of these monsters purely because they also have a penis.

It's on all of us. It's on us parents, to raise our boys from a place of love, respect and acceptance and to raise our girls the same way. It's up to us to raise all of our children to know how to treat other people, to respect EVERYONE they encounter in life.

And when our children are older (because, let's face it, not all parents have the ability or the want to actually parent and nurture their children and this is where some of the monsters are made - from families who don't provide that loving environment), we must teach our children about the world.

This issue may never go away. But we can help it, by raising loved, respected and accepted children, who grow up to be loving, respecting and accepting adults.

#AllInThisTogether


5 comments :

  1. Biggest hugs hun this made me cry to read and realise my abusive past isn’t as bad as I think it is. Demons are so hard to get rid of ��

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  2. You're a strong and beautiful woman. Achilles is so lucky to have you as his mama <3

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  3. This must have been SO HARD to write T, and I'm so proud of you for sharing this. Its extremely difficult to talk about and move on from. You are such a strong woman and I love you.

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  4. Andrea Clifton7 July 2018 at 14:40

    Thank you for your honest and open memories, it must be hard to talk about and I'm so proud of you for speaking up and as you said your honesty will help people. Sending my love, Andrea.

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