Thursday, 1 February 2018

Tips for Surviving a Major Break Up

Any break up is pretty horrible no matter the circumstances. Some are worse than others but they all hurt.

Here are some tips that have helped me along the way and some tips I wish I had taken on instead of putting myself through hell.

Do not compare your healing process with someone else's

Sure, I posted some pretty real and raw photos during the time when I was hurting. I posted a photo of me crying. It has to this day, been my most popular photo I have ever posted. The most likes, the most comments and the most reach. Why? Because its relatable and its honest. But if I was completely real and honest with everyone during those days, I would have been posting photos like that every day. Social media is such a great platform for so many things but not everyone will share their darkest days with you. So don't think just because some look like they have it all together that they necessarily do. I admit, I dealt with everything much better than I thought I would but I certainly had a lot of days of struggle. Everyone deals with things in lots of different ways. Find a way that works for you and go with that. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. Focus on you and getting through your darkness into a new light. 

Be Kind to Yourself

Most breakups (not all but most), when you actually think about it, are no ones fault. There is nothing either person could have done to change the eventual outcome. Sometimes, love just isn't enough. Don't think about the what ifs. "What if I had done this" and "What if I didn't do that"...those thoughts will lead you no where but in to a pit of depression and sadness which does horrible things to ones soul. Be kind to yourself and accept that this is the end of one chapter BUT think of all the beautiful things yet to come in your life... which will only happen if you're open to them. Be kind to yourself. It is OKAY that this relationship didn't work.

Make Plans

Do not... I repeat... DO NOT spend too much time alone during the initial period of your break up. I didn't speak to or see anyone for weeks and it was the worst thing I could have done to myself. Call on all of your closest friends to visit you, call you and go out with you as often as possible. Trust me, I know that all you want to do is be sad and alone but this will fast track your healing process and allow you to move on and be happy instead of trying to hold on to something that no longer exists.

DO NOT look for someone else.

Stay OFF Tinder. Men are the absolute worst for this! They have a major break up and they freak out about being along and immediately seek another relationship.
Any relationship you force, WILL NOT WORK and you will end up hurt (or hurting someone else) again. It's just not worth it. Take the time to be alone, and deal with your break up instead of trying to push the issue aside and cover it up with another one. Being alone isn't as bad as some people think. It is actually quite liberating when you're able to secure happiness within yourself and not depend on anyone else to make you happy. Embrace that feeling. I know I will sound cliche in saying this but honestly, the more you take the time to love, honour and respect yourself, the more others will too.

Self Love

When I say self love, I don't mean go get a facial and a manicure (although that will probably help too), I mean really sit down and appreciate yourself. Going through a breakup can be incredibly hard and sometimes, soul destroying. Practice self love by taking care of your body. Feed it well, keep it active and work on your mind as well. I've been using meditation as a tool to calm my mind. I find it really helps on the days where I am overwhelmed. Everyday, write down what you are grateful for to remind yourself that there are still so many things to be thankful for in your life: family, friends, health, a career...just to name a few.

Realise the situation 

This will sound a little "tough love" but think about it. There are so many bigger issues in the world (and your world) than a break up. You were lucky enough to experience a love strong enough that it hurt to end it. Some people never experience a relationship. There is so much more to life than love and you will love again and you may get hurt again... but so what... you're one step closer to maybe finding the one and if you don't? Is it really the worst thing? I have come to terms with the thought of never finding the one. Does that thought hurt? Yes... but it doesn't make me not want to enjoy my life as it is right now. There are so many things in life to be grateful for that you already have. Health. Family. Friends. Opportunities. Jobs. A roof over your head (just to name a few). Focus on the bigger picture and you will see how little this matters in the world. Being hurt is a part of life but it allows us to learn more about ourselves and grow.

Keep smiling

Tahana xo


  1. Beautiful and honest. ☺️

  2. Great tips, especially the one about keeping busy and going out with friends etc. It's so easy to isolate yourself, but it just gives you more time to think.

  3. I'll be sure to revisit this post if I ever go through a break-up. I do consider myself lucky in that I've only been with one man my whole life and we are still going strong, but I don't know how I'd react if we broke up. I think like that now, but I think if it ever happens I'll find a strength in me I didn't know existed. I think your point in staying away from getting involved with someone else is a great one. I think it would be a time you really need to focus on yourself and adding another person into the mix (where there is a possibility of getting hurt again) would just complicate things further. Great post Tahana x

  4. You've been incredibly strong for little Achilles and it's so admirable! Thankfully I haven't had a breakup for a good few years now - and I hope I never need this post but I know it's there just incase.
    Ebony x

  5. I really wish I had this post when I went through my first major breakup, so many great tips which would have helped me see the light and get me through it x

  6. I've never been through a breakup so I can't totally relate - but this is amazing advice that I think I might come back to should that day ever come!

    Tasha // shiwashiful.

  7. I don't know how I'd react if we broke up. I think like that now, but I think if it ever happens I'll find a strength in me I didn't know existed. fitness gym south yarra trained people in very effective way in fitness center.

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