Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Pregnancy Update - Week 18

Week 18! Baby is now about the size of an average sweet potato  - Weight: 190g Length:14.2cm

 So it’s a BOY!!! We are so thrilled.

I have said from my second post (week 6) I had a feeling he was a boy! Mumma bear’s intuition ;).

I do apologise for the lack of updates lately but I did feel like my posts were getting a little repetitive and I haven’t been overly in the mood for writing the last few weeks (explanation below)…but now I have a few things to catch you guys up on!

For the last few weeks, I have been struggling a little with antenatal depression. I’m not depressed about having a child or being pregnant but knowing you’re bringing a child in to this world and realising how big of a responsibility this is, is sometimes, completely overwhelming.

It doesn’t help that at the moment my job is not overly secure. For the last few months, my contract has been extended month by month and I am being given very little notice about whether they are keeping me on. My current contract is due to expire on November 30 and I still have no idea whether I am being extended or not.

I’m applying for every suitable position I can find but I worry that, even if I secure an interview, when they find out I am expecting a child in five months, they will be deterred from hiring me.

Whilst Ben is getting some casual work and it’s great for extra money when I am working full time, if I lose my position, I just don’t know how we will survive on his casual wage which realistically, wouldn’t even cover our rental payments. He is trying so hard to find a full time position but given he has been a member of the Australian Defence Force since he was 18, he doesn’t have any experience so its proving quite difficult for him and with the restrictions his injuries impose on him, there are even limits to the positions he can apply for.

I try to stay calm and tell myself everything will work out… but honestly…what if it doesn’t?

I cried every day for three weeks straight. I would snap at Ben for the tiniest little things and be horrible to him, put myself down every day and just want to shut everyone out.

If it wasn’t for my amazing, incredible, kind, loving partner, I would still be in that stage… but every day he told me we would work together to make everything ok, that I was beautiful and amazing and doing the most incredible thing in the world by growing our baby and no matter what, he will always be there with me. He just kept going…until I was ok.. he didn’t give up, not even for one second. And now I am ok and I just cannot thank him enough for loving me the way he loves me. He is actually the most incredible man in the world and I am so damn lucky he is my soul mate.

Although I am still worried about our situation and what may happen.. I will know either way in the next few weeks and then we go from there, as a team.. and face whatever comes our way. We’ve been through a lot in the past and honestly believe there isn’t anything we can’t do together.

Apparently 12% of women experience antenatal depression and although I hate that I am/ was one of them, the reality is, it happens (I guess I just feel so much pressure for everything to be perfect for my baby).

After talking with my midwife and communicating openly with Ben about my feelings everyday instead of bottling them up and keeping them to myself, I feel so much better and haven’t cried in almost a week and feel generally happy and less anxious.

I’m seeing the hospital physio this week to check my hip joints and some ligament damage in my stomach. I’m also going to ask them about my neck and back as my breasts are putting so much added pressure it’s ridiculous. They’re at around a GG cup at the moment and I’m guessing they aren’t going to stop growing anytime soon.  The last time they were at this size was when I was 20kg heavier than I am now.

We had our morphology scan this week which is when we found out we are welcoming a little man in to our family. He looked so perfect. Everything is growing just how it should. He had the hiccups when the technician was measuring him and it was just the most adorable thing I have ever seen. We also got a wave, a thumbs up and what I took as a fist pump!
We just cannot wait to meet him! 22 weeks to go!

My belly is growing every day and just last weekend I had a huge growth spurt (see pictures). I’m very excited to actually look pregnant.  I will need some maternity clothes any day now as I am just squeezing in t the few things in my closet that are loose enough to fit me.

 I haven't been doing as much as I would like in the gym with this ligament pain but I still do what I can and I've been walking to and from work every day which is about 5km in total so I'm walking 25km a week just from that. Think its time to get the FitBit back out!
Ben’s mum has kindly booked us flights to Townsville to visit Ben’s family over New Years! Excited to have a little babymoon before we settle in for my third trimester and start nesting and count down the days until he is here!


Keep smiling! 

Tahana xo

1 comment :

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